Your perfect little girl who grew up to be a wonderful young lady, always doing the right thing for the right reasons for everyone she knows. She has so much love in her heart and more than willing to give it away. Here comes the fairy tale Prince Charming, marriage, starting a family, trying to grow the family (they stopped at nothing to grow their family). Then bam, they crash head on to the worse brick wall they never saw coming. Their baby was born Still. You can bring them soup when they are sick, scratch their back when they are exhausted, be their legs when they’ve broken theirs, hold them tight when someone has hurt them. But this.....this is something you CANNOT fix or soothe away for them. You are (as they are) totally helpless to make them “better”. My only hope and prayer was that one day my sweet girl would come back to us from her abyss. She had a beautiful son to raise. Mostly, at first all we did was cry and inside ourselves (myself) wonder why this might have happened. I don’t think we even barely talked, we just cried, all day every day. My daughter did not deserve this. There was nothing in her life that this kind of karma should catch up to her. There was no reasoning to this. (Right now as I am writing I am forced to remember that day in order to tell my story, I am crying all they way through this message). They packed up all of the gifts, baby clothes, readied toys, took down the crib, remove the car seat, donate the formula, diapers, etc. These were hard days. As the days turned into weeks and months the waves of emotion were still coming but I could be a better listener, a better hugger but could not fix this for her. It is so heartbreaking to watch your baby die inside after her baby died inside of her. Now it has been many months and years, more children, back to mental health, laughter, fun times, fulfilling life and love again for all. Now, when I remember Harper Grace it is with grace and reverence. I picture her as four years old, I rarely allow myself to go back to the birth. We celebrate her, acknowledge her, send love to her and make room for her in what ever we do. My daughter honors her every day just like she honors her living children. It’s a beautiful thing to behold. But still we cry.
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Wow. Just thank you for this. You are so brave and powerful in your words. So happy you are a part of this community.
Thank you for these words. I know how helpless you must have felt and continue to feel at times. You have been the very best mother and support system a daughter could have ever asked for. Always remembering and honoring Harper. Always sharing her with me and letting me know that I’m not alone in missing her. Thank God the joy has returned.
Thank you for sharing. Many times we don’t often talk about the grieving families enough. Your daughter is loved and so lucky to have a wonderful mother.